In the verdant pastures of the fantasy football league, the garden of Honey Bunches of Hoes found itself wilted under the scything prowess of the notorious Cereal Killers, a team known for their ruthless ability to prune back the ambitions of their green-thumbed rivals.

As the autumn leaves begin to fall, Matt, the master gardener behind Honey Bunches of Hoes, must now dig deep into the soil of strategy after experiencing only his second blemish on an otherwise lush season. His garden has flourished under the careful tending of blossoms like Christian McCaffrey, Travis Kelce, and the surprisingly vibrant bloom of Christian Kirk.

But alas, two of these vibrant perennials were dormant this week, taking their bye-week rest in nature's cycle, leaving Kelce—a usually vibrant flora—to struggle in their absence. The garden's diversity was tested, with less cultivated sprouts like Tyler Allgeier and Demario Douglas struggling to fill in, like saplings in the shade of mightier trees.

Yet, any seasoned gardener knows that perennials return with the cycle of the seasons. As Matt prepares his garden for the next bout of growth, he anticipates the return of his cornerstone plants. With his nurturing care, he trusts they will once again anchor the team, spreading their roots deep into the fertile ground of the league to cultivate a fresh bounty of wins.

The bye weeks, much like a harsh frost, have passed, and the Honey Bunches of Hoes must now look to the sun, ensuring their soil is rich and their water plentiful. For as every gardener knows, with the right mix of patience, care, and a touch of luck, even the most wilted patch can return to glory, abloom with the vibrant colors of victory.

Shit Starts of the Week:  Kenneth Walker and Travis Kelce

Out there in the wild, wild wilderness of fantasy football, a couple of once-mighty hunters—Kenneth Walker and Travis Kelce—found themselves shooting blanks during this week's hunt. Let's set our sights on this tale of outdoor misadventure.

Kenneth Walker, the man Ryan hoped would be the ace tracker in his quest for the elusive Cereal Bowl trophy, ended up tracking nothing but his own footsteps, looping back with a mere 2.2 points. His fantasy output was like a hunter confusing a big buck for a bush—a whole lot of effort for a ghost of a prize. The Ravens, those sly foxes, made sure Walker's fantasy excursion was as short as a rabbit's tail, leaving Ryan to tip his cap to the idea of a 'tanking season,' where the only tracks he's making are in reverse.

Meanwhile, in the fantasy forest, we had Travis Kelce. The Titan of Tight Ends, as sure a shot as a seasoned marksman, but in front of the German crowd, and without his lucky charm, Taylor Swift, he put up a bewildering 2.9 points. It was as if Kelce went bear hunting with a slingshot—ambitious but, in the end, fruitless. The Swifties and fantasy fans alike were left wondering if Kelce's ability to snag fantasy points was somehow tangled up in Taylor's guitar strings.

Now Ryan's sitting by the campfire, pondering if his tanking season will end with him trudging through the swamps of defeat or if he can navigate the thicket and avoid the stinging nettle of the PSL cup. It’s a cup as coveted as a tin can on a trophy shelf, and Ryan's surely aiming to steer clear.

And then there’s Matt, possibly contemplating whether he should send up smoke signals or perhaps tie messages to carrier pigeons in the hopes that Ms. Swift will grace the next Chiefs game with her presence. Will the Chiefs' next hunt for points be blessed by the pop queen's ethereal spirit, ensuring Kelce returns to his beastly ways?

In the fantasy wilderness, it's survival of the fittest, and Ryan’s looking like he might just be baiting his own traps. Will he emerge as the triumphant hunter, or find himself lost in the woods, facing down a winged beast of a challenge hotter than a summer in the Serengeti?

So pack your camo, and don't forget your fantasy first aid kit, because in this league, you never know when you'll need to treat a bite from the bug of defeat or the sting of a hot wing.

Clutch Start of the Week: CJ Stroud

Imagine the scene: CJ Stroud, the Usyrupers’ latest draft pick, struts onto the field with more confidence than a cat with a social media following. This week, he didn't just come to play; he came to turn the game into his personal arcade, racking up points like a teenager with unlimited quarters.

CJ was slinging the pigskin through the Bucs defense so much, they might as well have been playing tag in a cornfield - lots of running, but no one's actually getting caught. He threw for 470 yards, setting a rookie record that had statisticians double-checking their abacuses in disbelief.

His five touchdown passes? The Bucs' defense was caught in a loop like they were part of a GIF titled "Oops, we did it again." And Taylor, the fantasy manager for the Usyrupers, must've felt like she hit the jackpot on a slot machine that pays out in pure, unadulterated bragging rights.

But let’s talk about the Pancake Blockers, who went from defensive titans to, well, actual pancakes—flat, easy to stack, and devoured by anyone with a good appetite. CJ turned them into part of a complete breakfast.

So, is CJ a diamond in the rough? That's like asking if syrup makes pancakes better. The Usyrupers, once looking like they couldn't find the endzone with a map and a flashlight, are now cruising down Playoff Boulevard with CJ at the wheel, blasting “We Are the Champions” and throwing touchdowns like beads at Mardi Gras.

Can he keep it up? If consistency were syrup, CJ's got the market cornered. Get ready, league, because the Usyrupers are sticky with success and sweet with victory. And with CJ Stroud, they’re just getting started.

In the great feline saga of the fantasy football league, the alleyways and rooftops of the Brunch division are set to witness a fur-raising showdown in this week’s game of the week. Picture this: The Flapjack Dynasty, prowling majestically under the glow of the neon lights, led by the Big Cat himself, Scotty B—his roar reverberating off the alleyway dumpsters as his team stands 6-3, tails high in the air.

But hark! Creeping into the limelight are The Cereal Killers for the 2nd straight week, whiskers twitching and claws sharpened. Their leader, Trooper B, the sly tomcat with a fearless glint in his eye, has rallied his troops to a respectable 5-4. It's a game of cat and mouse where every pounce and leap could turn the tables, a true test of alley cat agility and cunning.

The Cereal Killers are purring with anticipation, as Jahmyr Gibbs and Brandon Aiyuk leap back into the fray fresh from their catnaps. Their return could be the catnip that sends The Cereal Killers into a frenzy of scoring.

On the other side of the fence, the Big Cat finds himself in a bit of a scratchy situation. The loss of Pat Mahomes, Puka Nacua, and Raheem Mostert to bye weeks might leave his lineup looking like a yarn ball after a kitten party—full of potential but slightly unraveled.

Whiskers are twitching at the thought of an upset, as the undercats of the league eye the cream at the top. Scott, however, isn’t one to just roll over for a belly rub. He's the kind of cat who lands on his feet, no matter the fall. Even when the alley seems dark and the trash can lids are stacked against him, Scotty B has a knack for sneaking through the tightest spots, finding the slivers of moonlight, and pouncing with precision.

So, will this be a tale of the undercat surprising the alley king, or will the Big Cat prove once again that he's got nine lives when it comes to surviving the bye week blues? One thing's for certain: all the cats in the Brunch division will be watching from their windowsills and fences, ready to see who earns the right to strut their stuff on the league's rooftops. It's game on in the urban jungle, and may the sliest cat win!

In memoriam, we gather to pay our respects to the hopeful aspirations of Cody and the Pancake Blockers, and Graham with his Dos Eggys, as they engage in this week’s fantasy football matchup—a duel that many have sorrowfully dubbed "the shit match."

Cody, once a bright-eyed manager full of dreams and playoff visions with a newly rebranded team, has seen his team's light dim to a 3-6 flicker. In a week marked by an air of surrender, he bid a heavy-hearted farewell to stalwarts Jonathan Taylor and D'Andre Swift, not only splitting the Taylor Swift duo but pitting them against each other in their next matchup. His heart teetered between the chasms of hope and the abyss of despair, with the scales now seemingly tipped towards the latter as the glow of the fantasy playoffs recedes into the horizon.

Amidst the silence of fortunes untold, we find Dos Eggys, guided by Graham's unwavering hand, a team haunted by the specters of injury and misfortune. For the second consecutive week, fate dealt a cruel hand as they witnessed the opposition snatch touchdowns from deflections—misery compounded upon injury. The whims of chance have not danced in their favor, leaving Graham's aspirations not for glory, but for the modest dignity of evading the ignominious PSL Cup.

Yet, within this elegy, there lies a glimmer of tomorrow—whispers of renewal and resurrection. Cody harbors the latent talents of Jefferson and the promising Achane, who, in weeks to come, may rise like phoenixes from the ashes of this season to form a fiery duo for the ages. Graham clings to the steadfast presence of Ekeler and the anticipated return of Nick Chubb, hoping they will be the pillars to rebuild his team's fortunes in the 24-25 season.

As we stand here today, reflecting on what could have been, let us not dwell in the shadows of defeat but in the light of what the future holds. For in the great cycle of fantasy football, as in life, there is indeed always next year—a blank slate, a field of dreams where hope springs eternal. So we lay to rest the aspirations of the current season for Cody and Graham, knowing that from the end springs a new beginning, and the game—much like life—goes on.