While the murky waters of the League Wizard Scandal have yet to clear, let’s open the jar to something more refreshing and aromatic. Cody, we're sending more memes to sweeten your day, but let’s focus on a dill-lightful individual: our Pickle at Arms, Conner Gerken.

Imagine a Sunday morning for a pickle. Conner awakens in a soothing vinegar spa, his essence mingling with the delicate touch of dill and the zest of peppercorns. It's rejuvenating, essential for preserving that pickly charm.

Yet duty calls! Conner hoists the American flag, then the Colorado, and, with a sigh, the Broncos flag at half-mast. But life isn't all parades and pickled patriotism. A pickle's Sunday also involves the treacherous journey to the grocery store. One can only imagine the sheer willpower it takes to shop without being mistaken for a snack. As he sneezes, a polite cashier says, “bless you.” Conner, flustered and in his crunchy candor, replies, “you too.” Classic pickle move.

Back home, the waft of Nicole’s baked goods fills the air. A dilemma arises: enjoy a cookie or resist for now? Distraction is needed. MTV blares, and our Pickle at Arms is belting out tunes and busting a move. From the heartfelt chorus of "Sweet Caroline" to the mystery of "Who Let the Dogs Out?", he grooves, relishing each note. But such exertion dehydrates, so back to the brine bath he goes, absorbing its tangy embrace.

Nightfall approaches. A day well-spent deserves a treat. A cookie? Absolutely. As he retrieves the flags, folding them with respect and care, he sneaks a look at his fantasy football score. Victory! Awww 2-4. And with a satisfied crunch, Conner drifts into dreams, where every day is a perfect pickle day.

Shit Start of the Week:  Tee Higgins and Gabe Davis

"Welcome to the 'Oops, They Did It Again!' segment! 

First, let's talk Tee Higgins from the 'Cereal Killers.' He's apparently on a strict 'score 3 points diet,' because that's all he's been serving for three consecutive weeks! Oh, and who can forget the grand goose egg he laid in week one? If he keeps this up, Brandon might just bench him and try his luck with a bowl of cereal instead. 

On the other side, we have Gabe Davis of 'The Usyrupers'. After a promising sign-on, he decided to tease Taylor by scoring a mind-blowing... wait for it... 1.6 points! Sure, Drake London or Rashid Shaheed might not have led Taylor to victory, but they'd have at least got her past the 'Did My Player Even Show Up?' mark.

And then there's the curious case of Taylor having to play against Raheem Mostert for a second time. Maybe she's a fan of déjà vu? Or she loves heartbreak? We’ll never know. (JK sorry Taylor)

Better luck next week, folks! And remember: fantasy football is 50% strategy, 50% yelling at your screen, and 100% not knowing how percentages work."

Clutch Start of the Week: Raheem Mostert

Breaking 'meow-s'! The Big Cat's on a prowl and Raheem Mostert is his main roar-some force in the 'Flapjack Dynasty!' You heard it right, folks. The Dynasty clawed its way to a majestic 5-1, thanks to Mostert, who didn't just rain cats and dogs - he stormed 33 points onto the field! Talk about purr-fection! 

Scott, head lion in charge, initially had his tail in a twist over trading for Mostert, with Devon Achane lurking in the background taking carries. But looks like he's landed on all fours with a crucial handcuff that’s more like a golden collar, making him the cat's meow for, at least, the coming three weeks.

Now, every whisker's twitching in excitement as the Flapjack Dynasty has clawed its way back to the top of the 'Brunch Division.' Get your catnip ready, because it's going to be a furr-ocious fight to the finish!

Remember, in the jungle of fantasy football, it's not always the biggest cats that survive, but the ones who are not 'kitten' around when it comes to making the purr-fect plays!

Gather 'round, cereal and pancake enthusiasts, because it's time to serve up a heaping stack of accolades for the 'Flapjack Dynasty' led by none other than the Big Cat, Scott! With a sizzling 5-1 start and freshly flipped back on top of the Brinner Division, Big Cat isn't just playing with his food; he's crafting a breakfast of champions!

Now, Big Cat, a two-time Cereal Bowl champion, is clearly not someone to sleep through the breakfast alarm. His hunger for that third glorious cereal bowl is palpable. And while some might butter their toast, Scott's been buttering the competition. Let's dig into his recipe for success so far:

Draft Day Delights:
    Amari Cooper: While many saw him as a shriveled grape, Scott recognized the juicy potential.
  Jakobi Meyers: A sneaky pick that’s added just the right amount of crunch.
  James Conner: Left for dead in the fantasy cupboard, but in Scott's hands? Pure gold(en syrup).

Sign & Shine Moves:
  Puka Nacua: The sweet surprise no one saw coming. Scott's tapped into this syrupy vein, and the dividends are dripping in!
  Adam Thielen: The comeback kid! With 20+ points in 3 of his last 4 outings, he's the chocolate chip in Scott's pancake stack.

And let's not gloss over the pièce de résistance: Trading Jaylen Waddle for Raheem Mostert. A bold move? Absolutely. But with Mostert unhindered by Achane's sneaky cereal-stealing hands for the next three weeks, it's looking like a masterstroke.

The griddle's hot, the batter's mixed, and the Big Cat is flipping flapjacks like a pro. While the season's marathon is far from over, Scott's strategic culinary moves have made him the breakfast chef to beat. Can he keep up the pace and bring home the golden pancake? Only time will sizzle and tell!

Pull up a chair and grab your favorite cereal spoon, folks! This week's milk-soaked spectacle isn't just any game; it’s a fight for the title of 'Cereal Champ!' Though both teams might be sporting a 2-4 record, it's crunch time in the most delicious way possible as Fruity Rebbles face off against The Cereal Killers.

Fruity Rebbles, fresh from last week, sprinkled their sugary magic and scooped up the second-highest points, leaving Scramblers FC crunching in their wake. With Cooper Kupp popping like Rice Krispies, Ken Walker slicing through defenses like a razor-sharp fruit knife, and Tua Tagovailoa, Ryan's new secret ingredient, blending smoothly, it seems Fruity Rebbles have got the right mix of flavor and crunch!

But, hark! Here come The Cereal Killers, pouring into the competition. Their recent win might've been a touch bland, but with Saquon Barkley ready to sprinkle some star power and the dynamic duo of Herbert and Allen adding a dash of honeyed sweetness, this bowl is anything but average.

Both teams had a bit of a 'soggy cereal' start, but this could be the showdown where they go from 'generic bran' to 'captivating crunch.' So, whether you're rooting for the fruity zest of the Rebbles or the hearty blend of The Cereal Killers, make sure to top up your milk, because this match is going to be a breakfast bonanza you won't want to miss!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ultimate 'Till Fantasy Do Us Part' showdown! 

This week's ahem prestigious 'Shambles Showcase' features two lovebirds, Taylor's 'The Usyrupers' and TJ's 'Scramblers FC.' It's like when Romeo met Juliet, except with way more turf burns and slightly less poetic monologues.

Both teams, sitting pretty (or not) at 3-3 and nursing their bye week blues, are more bruised than a two-day-old avocado. The Usyrupers are going without their stars CJ Stroud, Kyren Williams, and Jake Ferguson, while the Scramblers FC are scrambling without their mains Joe Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase, Dameion Pierce, Tank Dell, and - even the kicker, Brandon Aubrey, has taken a break. Talk about having the rug, the couch, and the kitchen sink pulled out from under you!

But the REAL drama? It's the marital face-off. That tense feeling when you're not sure if you're sleeping on the couch because you didn’t take out the trash or because your QB outscored theirs. The true dilemma: Who do their babies - Sloane, Finn, Alan, and Obi, cheer for? Team Mom or Team Dad?

While it might not be the most glamorous game, it's shaping up to be the equivalent of a reality TV season finale. Grab your popcorn, your most embarrassing foam finger, and gear up for an epic husband vs. wife rollercoaster!