Week 1 was a wild ride, but no one had a more eventful start than Scott B, the Big Cat, who ended up with a big ol’ egg on his face, courtesy of some overconfident draft-day antics.

First up, Scott decided to take a hard stance against Conner, the Pickle at Arms, for trading for Josh Allen—a QB Scott has had a long-standing beef with. So when Allen fumbled on the first drive of the game, Scott couldn’t resist. He took a victory lap, milk in hand, celebrating like he had already won the season. But that milk? It started to sour fast. Josh Allen, as if hearing the Big Cat’s boasting, went on an absolute tear, running and gunning touchdowns like it was backyard football and finishing as the #1 QB for the week. Meanwhile, Conner secured himself a clean Week 1 victory, leaving Scott with nothing but a glass of spoiled milk and a lot of regret.

But that wasn’t the end of Scott’s misfires. He couldn’t resist giving me, your humble Vice Commish, a little heat for drafting the Rams' "#2 receiver." But hold on—guess who stormed onto the field like a one-man wrecking crew? Cooper Kupp. The guy racked up an absurd 21 targets and put on an absolute clinic, proving once again why he’s one of the best in the game.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Scott still got himself a win this week, but not without eating a heaping helping of humble pie. Turns out, those premature victory laps? They just left him winded and looking a little silly. So here’s the takeaway: the Big Cat roared… but sometimes, you’ve just got to purr and stay humble.

In the shadows of our league, a sinister force looms—a force known only as Taylor, the Fantasy Reaper. Once more, her cursed touch has claimed victims, leaving devastation in its wake. This week, Jake Ferguson fell to a knee injury, and David Njoku was seized by the cruel twist of an ankle. But the Reaper’s influence doesn’t stop there. Whispers of an eerie connection point to the downfall of Jordan Love, her favorite team’s quarterback. As if by design, two of her fantasy players rely on his success, and now their fates are uncertain.

Year after year, it’s the same chilling tale. Taylor’s draft choices seem doomed to fall, one by one, under her grim, inevitable scythe. The pattern is undeniable—her team is a graveyard, and each season, more NFL players succumb to her dark presence. Should we start sending out warnings to those unlucky enough to be picked by her? An apology in advance may be all we can offer those doomed souls.

The league watches in fear as the Reaper’s shadow stretches towards next week. Who will be the next to face the cold, unforgiving hand of injury? Only Taylor knows, and the rest of us can only hope to avoid her gaze. 

Perhaps the only way to stop her is to use the reverse jinx that Cody did in week one asking her not to GG him. Do we need to let NFL teams know they should at least give that a try?

Regardless sleep with one eye open, for Taylor, the Fantasy Reaper, is lurking... and no one is safe.

Conner’s Wheaties N Scotch squad stumbled into the draft with every critic eyeing his lineup like a bartender judging a sloppy order. He took heat for the Josh Allen trade, drafting James Cook, and doubling down with both Jaylen Waddle and Tyreek Hill. But Conner, cool as a shot of Scotch, took it in stride, knowing it was going to be a long season.

Across the bar, Matt of Honey Bunches of Hoes came out with a swagger, ready to pound down victories with his keepers, CMC and Kelce, ready to take the field. With his confidence high and drinks flowing, Matt was riding that buzz. But just like getting cut off at last call, disaster struck: the 49ers pulled CMC last minute with a calf injury, leaving Matt staring at his empty cup. Kelce didn’t even make it to the party, leaving Matt reeling from the worst kind of draft day hangover.

Even though Matt was the drunkest manager at this year’s draft, he thought his luck was in the bag. But the wheels came off, and Conner, criticized for his risky picks, powered through with Josh Allen dealing like a round of strong shots, and James Cook proving more than just a garnish. And that Waddle-Hill combo? They were like a pair of pros behind the bar, serving up points while Matt nursed his CMC-less lineup, his glass looking a little too empty.

By the end of the matchup, Conner left Week 1 with the second-highest score of the league, showing everyone that this pickle can handle his Scotch just fine. As for Matt? He’s stuck recovering from a draft-night hangover he won’t soon forget, realizing it’s a long season ahead to catch up. Cheers to Conner – the bar’s still open, and he’s far from finished.